How Your First Heartbreak Shapes The Way You Love Today

The first time you get your heart broken you are introduced to what may feel like the most unbearable physical and mental feelings you will ever endure; it handicaps you. Pondering back on mine, I was torn apart and convinced this feeling would never pass. I lost my one and only true love and my life was over. In hindsight, it’s quite comical that my 16 year old, unversed self believed that was as good as it was going to get.

I reached out to my close friends to get their interpretations of the first time they were completely shattered by a boy, along with what they learned and carried with them throughout their relationships that followed. Even though the dynamics of all of our first heartbreaks are different, we can all vividly remember the emotional state it brought on to us. One friend expressed “even writing this now my heart is starting to race”, while another said “I don’t think you ever get over your first heartbreak”.

Although this occurs typically when you are young and malleable, there is a valuable lesson you receive from it. It unconsciously shapes you and how your romantic relationships unfold. This can impact someone’s confidence, develop trust issues, or discourage them from opening up and letting people in. Luckily, I have learned that failed relationships lead you in a magical direction. Dating allows you to fine-tune your expectations of a partner and make sure you are giving your time, energy, and love to a deserving soul.

Looking back on my trail of lovers, the caliber of men has greatly increased. I am grateful because there was a beneficial learning opportunity that emerged from each one of them. Whether I was being reminded of my self-worth, determining what was acceptable treatment from a man, or tapping into my creative talents, I am thankful for all of the experiences I had through my breakups with my exes. While gathering the stories of my friends, one said “At the end of the day, it's an evolution, a journey, and I wouldn’t take back any of it. The anguish, the yearning, and those bittersweet, delicious memories are just a part of my story. They were important because they lead me here, to something so much bigger and greater than I could have ever imagined”.

I can honestly say I completely agree. I am in my most solid relationship yet. Even with the blissful state I am currently in, I am also content that if this idealistic partnership I am in one day stops serving him or I, there is someone to be hopeful for, and the future is promising.