Childhood Trauma

Childhood trauma is often thought of as deep intense pain typically associated with sexual or physical abuse but more often than not children experience complex trauma which is harder to identify but still shows up in adulthood when not properly addressed and dealt with. It doesn’t always have to be something that occurred, it can also be what didn’t occur. Waiting for an often-absent parent, the lack of basic respect, or witnessing less than exemplary behavior. It is crucial for a person to identify how these experiences have contributed to who they have grown into and how these events influence their current relationships. For those that ignore any childhood trauma, it inevitably rears its ugly head and affects their ability to function as healthy individuals that can control their emotions and actions. Not only does lingering childhood trauma result in emotional damage but scientific research has shown it to affect physical health as well according to ACEs Aware.  A child with an abnormal amount of stress activates hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol. This affects the immune system, blood pressure & blood sugar in addition to cognitive judgment and behavioral aggression.

Typically, when we examine the lives of individuals who have committed acts such as murder, they’ve experienced adversity as a young child that was suppressed and the risk for heinous crimes increased in their adulthood. Yet, I think it is important to remember that a child doesn’t have to undergo grandiose abuse or YOUR definition of maltreatment for it to have an effect on them as adults. I’ve seen people discredit others’ reactions and emotions stating they need to get “thicker skin”, its “tough love”, or simply “get over it”. Those adults typically have not dealt with their underlying trauma and the cycle continues. We need to first and foremost recognize experiences that have impacted us so we can heal and start having better relationships, effective communication, and greater joy. It is also imperative we recognize the impact our actions and words have on the children we are raising.

As I am working on my second book, this has been a huge subject matter because it truly is something parents-to-be need to take into consideration. The childhood experiences, support, and safety (or lack therefore of) can greatly impact the adult a child becomes. Many of the childless people I spoke to, measured the responsibility of raising a child to be a good person as a major undertaking and certainly played a part in their decision on parenthood. For those who have experienced/witnessed bad parenting even if it was unintentional or believe they lack the aptitude to create a happy home for a child are people I truly respect for being self-aware of their shortcomings and temperament and not willing to perpetuate the cycle. Transgenerational trauma can be viewed as any other hereditary disease passed onto a child, but when one does the necessary work needed to heal, they are less likely to hand it down to their children and that I feel is an obligation for every person planning to be a parent.

photo: Milou Kreitemeijer-Dirks