Coupling During COVID
If you’ve been having petty arguments or bickering much more than usual with your significant other, don’t fret you are not alone! With the safer at home initiatives we are sharing space with our loved ones a lot more than normal and it’s making many of us go cuckoo in quarantine. I’ve reached out to my beloved girlfriends to see how they are managing the stress of the Coronavirus lockdown and received insight on how they avoid unnecessary fights with their partners; below are 7 tips to help you thrive in your relationships during this unnerving time.
1- SHARING SMALL SPACES- Yes, quarantine is making it very difficult to have any alone time, but one friend suggested: “work in a different room or set time aside to get outdoors for a solo workout”. This is also key to maintaining some kind of structure in your daily routine. Another friend noted the importance of designating “a certain area of the house that can be your safe space to have some ‘me’ time during the day”. She continued that “by the end of the day you find yourself missing your significant other”.
2- PICK YOUR BATTLES- This is tried and true advice for healthy and happy unions, but perhaps you have to ignore a few comments or refrain from giving that sidelong glance even more so during lockdown. Most things are not worthy of a quarrel, so think if it really deserves any attention.
3- UNDERSTANDING- This may seem like an extended vacation for some that know they have a job to go back to once restrictions have lifted, but some do not have that comfort. Businesses have closed down permanently, savings are running out, and thoughts of what the future will be like can cause anxiety, panic, and worry. It’s important to be a rock for your partner and truly listen to their concerns.
4- MAINTAINING INDEPENDENCE- Even prior to the pandemic it is important to have a life of your own whether that is having a separate social circle or carving out time for dreams & goals specific to you. I think most would agree when my friend expressed “it is what keeps us sane. It has in the past and even more so now. [it’s all about] respecting our own independence”. The key is learning how to be interdependent, and not codependent.
5- HONEST COMMUNICATION- We most certainly are not feeling our best during this time, so another friend has found it important “to disclose what kind of a mood you’re in or if your day is off to a good or bad start”. We can’t expect our partners to read our minds so opening up and letting them know we need our space will help avoid unnecessary arguments.
6- GRATITUDE- Letting go of what we don’t have control over is huge and will have a positive impact on your relationship. Be thankful for what you have and find ways to enjoy this time together. Picking a new hobby you can partake in together is destined to bring you closer and can be fun! A longtime friend shared that she, and her husband have been spending time in the kitchen because “cooking together is definitely something we usually don’t have time to do but the past couple months we have been spending more time [in there]. My friend also was grateful that this has presented an opportunity to “both be present and watch how much [their baby] has grown over the past two months has brought us even closer”.
7- DATE NIGHTS- It can be easy to get lost in your sweatpants and unwashed hair or for him to zone out into a video game abyss, but we must make sure we put the phones down and reconnect. A friend advised “we started doing date nights about 2 weeks in. Every Wednesday night we do dinner, drinks, and [watch our] shows”. You can also make the evening feel extra special if that is the 1 night a week you order takeout/delivery from your favorite local restaurant.
This has not been easy on any couple, so continue to be patient and remember you are a team. If you are in need, there are many resources available to help such as SAMHSA.gov, NAMI.org, or simply dialing 211 on your touchtone phone to get assistance from United Way.